“that which stands in the way is the way”

When things aren’t going your way, despite your best efforts, don’t waste too much time trying to change things but accept the wisdom of Marcus Aurelius instead: “that which stands in the way is the way” – and move through it.

In the way is the way

Never are the words of Marcus Aurelius, Roman Emperor, more apt – “that which stands in the way is the way” – than post graduation.  Negotiating those first years after leaving college. Endlessly preparing job applications, up against an ever-growing list of candidates. When you’re young, full of energy raring to go. Worked hard and got a good degree. Can already show valuable work experience acquired in the school holidays – and still you don’t get employment. One of life’s challenges many young people have to face early.

One of five

I remember how my daughter was pipped at the second interview for two lip-smacking jobs that on paper suited her down to the ground.  In one she made it past 130 applicants to arrive on the short list of five.  I was mightily impressed.  At Buckingham Palace too.  On her arrival she found she’d been directed to the wrong gate and had to make a run for it through the back corridors of the Palace to get to the interview on time, at the right gate, sweating.

Second near miss

The second near miss was for the National Trust at Cliveden. Apparently the most frequented NT property in the UK and we lived 3 miles away at the time  Her writing sample they liked very much but they didn’t like her spelling of Cliveden. Having spent the previous three years living in Clifton attending Bristol University, she wrote ‘Clifton’ under pressure – and it cost her that job.

Drawing the line

She turned down a marketing communications job on another occasion because the pictures of the product she was to sell turned her stomach over.  Fair enough I suppose. She’s not a scientist.  You have to draw the line somewhere and hers stopped at the colostomy bag.

Finally, she landed a super job at the British Museum, which was right up her street.  Manaoevering 300 other applicants waiting in line, this time persistence paid off.  And she’s been happily employed there ever since.

Words of wisdom

This whole experience calls to mind Aurelius’ words of wisdom again – “that which stands in the way is the way”.

Sometimes in life you have accept things as they are and get on with them. Sometimes this means doing the one job or task you’re resisting like crazy.  Having protested fervently only to find this particular clump of chewing gum is still stuck to your shoe, then wisdom suggests you need to accept this job as is and get on with it.  Somewhere in the distant future, you might look back and realise how essential that hated, fated job turned out to be.

Since I was unable to impart these words of wisdom on my daughter at the time (because I’m only her mother and what do I know) then I’m sharing them with you instead.

Impeded by chauvinism

My first job beyond University was to work for my father.  I absolutely didn’t want to sell his swimming pools – or hot tubs – but he insisted I did.  Nor did I want to start immediately after graduation.  I wanted to travel the world, spread my wings.  He wasn’t sympathetic – nor impressed with my Anthropology degree from Durham University. What use was I to anyone with that?

His had a particularly chauvinistic attitude and his tough love had me attend secretarial college two afternoons a week, sent away to become ‘useful’. I learned to touch-type on a typewriter (although shorthand was a lost cause). A typewriter is one of those quaint black and white devices with honky-tonk keys.  One false letter and you had to tear the whole sheet of paper out and start again. A good way to learn to type accurately – and fast.

Fate worse than death

Not only was it my job to type, I had to decipher the illegible hand-written scrawl of three male directors and churn out their correspondence error-free.  Computers were relatively new on the scene and still the size of double-decker buses so not many businesses had room for them.

The other excruciating job I had was to front their showroom as a sales receptionist.  It was excruciating because, when I started, I didn’t know a thing about swimming pools.  I knew all about the culture, behaviour and belief systems of some primitive peoples. However, not many of them ventured into the showroom, not even in Devon.

With one eye on my typewriter, one ear on the telephone, the other eye and ear was free to meet and greet customers shopping for high-end product.  If the esteemed Marcus Aurelius, had been around I’m sure he would have counselled me: “That which stands in the way is the way, Mary.” And I learned how to sell to all kinds of people.

Hate mail

But I was two thousand years too late for Marcus Aurelius. So I kept on hating the typing and resenting my father for insisting I do it.  After a year of turmoil I quit the job but only after I’d mastered touch-typing at speed.  I moved to London and with my newly-acquired typing skills, bluffed my way into a secretarial job where I worked long hours for three months and saved enough money to cross Africa for six months.  “That which stands in the way is the way, Mary.”

Post-Africa, I returned looking like a black ant. Skinny from dysentry and with an equitorial tan I’d experienced the rawness of Africa.

Wonderously I landed a job for a Mail Order Book Club. Making the selections for three book clubs and commissioning by copywriting and design necessary for the monthly catalogues, I had a lot of autonomy and loved it. I also had an excellent boss who taught me the rudiments of marketing well.

Four years later I volunteered redundancy. I moved to Richmond, Surrey and began freelancing in marketing communications.  Now I’m the one who is writing copy for my clients because that’s what they’re asking for. Which means those dreaded touch-typing skill are coming in very handy again and this time I’m being very well paid for it.   “That which stands in the way is the way, Mary.”

More than words

My business grew and within two years my partner had resigned his job as Marketing Director and joined me.  Not many years after we became a full-fledged Direct Marketing Agency with 15 staff and a flotilla of company cars.  Would you believe it I’m still writing copy and many of our clients are among ftse 100 companies. I’m earning very, very well from this, banging out words furiously, using that fated touch-typing skill again.  “That which stands in the way is the way, Mary.”

I’m also the Sales & Marketing Director for the Agency.  Where on earth did I cut my teeth for this job?  As the sales receptionist in my father’s torture chamber!  “That which stands in the way is the way, Mary.”

Resistance is futile

All this leads me to believe that, once you’ve put up a stout protest and nothing changes as a consequence, then that’s enough.  It’s time to accept that which stands in your way is your way and to drop further resistance.  Because years later, when you’re as old as me and you get to join up the dots, you’ll discover that the heinous job or tasks proves to be a gift horse in the month.

So thank you Dad for your contribution to my writing and indirectly years later to the publication of my first book, Awaken Your Intuitive Vision.  Sadly you didn’t live long enough to know that I’d published it.

And thank you Marcus Aurelius, for your words of wisdom. Receiving you loud and clear.

My book – Awaken Your Intuitive Vision – is available on Amazon plus online book stores and UK bookshops.

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